Tomorrow I will be back in my hot, hot heat of a state. Hurray for Florida. I have a new outlook of life. I don't think Trooper and I will work out. I guess I could've seen it coming. That's life for you, though. It's sad: I thought I'd finally found someone I could really see myself with. I haven't felt the way I felt with him in a long time. At least I learned things, and now I know I'm truly ready to fall in love again. Thank god for the realization. I know what I want, and I'll get it. Trooper just isn't ready for it yet, and I am. He's so wonderful and I wish he finds the girl of his dreams soon. But I can't be with someone who isn't ready to fall yet. I tried; moving on.
When I get home, I'm going to enroll into school and be an amazing cosmetologist! Maybe work in a big city. Who knows.. lol
Night.
June 20, 2010
June 16, 2010
Good Morning or Good Night?
It's almost seven in the morning, and I'm still awake.
I keep looking out the window waiting for Trooper to pull in the drive.
A car drives by--not him.
An SUV drives by--not him either.
I'm still playing Forza and replaying "Impossible". I don't know why this song affects me so. It hits a place in my heart that I don't think I've ever been truly able to heal. Trooper says his Mom liked me from the little time I saw here. I'm happy but what next? Surely he knows somethings up. I think he's doing it on purpose...
Later......
So I talked to him. He was shocked I noticed. Really, Babe?? I only notice your every move; analyze every word you say, or tone you say things in. I can't help it, I naturally notice everything. You're shocked because you don't touch me the way you did? Your shocked because I can see the reserve in your eye? C'mon now, don't take me for a fool. I may be young but I'm not naive.
I told him to make up his his mind. If he wants to be with me, then be with me. He says he's happy I'm here but I think he's worried about how he's going to feel when I leave again. We'll see.
He's amazing, but dammit, why do boys have to be so complicated??
Hollz ♥
I keep looking out the window waiting for Trooper to pull in the drive.
A car drives by--not him.
An SUV drives by--not him either.
I'm still playing Forza and replaying "Impossible". I don't know why this song affects me so. It hits a place in my heart that I don't think I've ever been truly able to heal. Trooper says his Mom liked me from the little time I saw here. I'm happy but what next? Surely he knows somethings up. I think he's doing it on purpose...
Later......
So I talked to him. He was shocked I noticed. Really, Babe?? I only notice your every move; analyze every word you say, or tone you say things in. I can't help it, I naturally notice everything. You're shocked because you don't touch me the way you did? Your shocked because I can see the reserve in your eye? C'mon now, don't take me for a fool. I may be young but I'm not naive.
I told him to make up his his mind. If he wants to be with me, then be with me. He says he's happy I'm here but I think he's worried about how he's going to feel when I leave again. We'll see.
He's amazing, but dammit, why do boys have to be so complicated??
Hollz ♥
Love is Impossible
So a friend posted this song on Facebook. It's so beautiful and sad; but somehow incredibly true. I'd thought I'd post the lyrics:
Impossible; By-Shontelle
I remember years ago
Someone told me I should take
Caution when it comes to love
I did, I did
And you were strong and I was not
My illusion, my mistake
I was careless, I forgot
I did
And now when all is done
There is nothing to say
You have gone and so effortlessly
You have won
You can go ahead tell them
Tell them all I know now
Shout it from the roof top
Write it on the sky love
All we had is gone now
Tell them I was happy
And my heart is broken
All my scars are open
Tell them what I hoped would be
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible
Falling out of love is hard
Falling for betrayal is worst
Broken trust and broken hearts
I know, I know
Thinking all you need is there
Building faith on love is worst
Empty promises will wear
I know (i know)
And know when all is gone
There is nothing to say
And if you're done with embarrassing me
On your own you can go ahead tell them
Tell them all I know now
Shout it from the roof top
Write it on the sky love
All we had is gone now
Tell them I was happy
And my heart is broken
All my scars are open
Tell them what I hoped would be
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible
Ooh impossible (yeah yeah)
I remember years ago
Someone told me I should take
Caution when it comes to love
I did
..............................................
I Don't know why falling in and out of love is so hard, but all I know is the feeling of it is worth the pain. I hope I find it, and when I do I pray it's the real thing. I just want someone to want me and to need me as much as I need them. People take for granted the good things in their life too easily. Can't we just take a moment out of the day to appreciate all we do have? All I know, is that my love is a gift, and I'm dying to share it with someone worthy of me. I just hope I find that someone before I'm wrapped up in a shell of hurt and pain, and the beauty of my love is no longer as precious as it is now. Things to ponder....
June 15, 2010
Taking frustration out on Forza
So Troopers gone to work, and I'm playing Forza Motersport 3.
They have the car of my dreams on here; the Audi R8. Ahhhhh, it's sooooo sexy. If I could just sit in one and drive it around the block, I would die a happy camper! Customized to my liking, the car is approx. $122,000!!
Three Hours Later...
So I went to Jewel Grocery Store and rented "When in Rome" and "Alice in Wonderland". I'm talking to my girl Kay, watching "When in Rome". It's such a cute movie.
After I get through with the other movie, Trooper should be almost home <3
I'm very optimistic right, now. It's very peculiar. Must be a good sign.
Night,
Hollz
They have the car of my dreams on here; the Audi R8. Ahhhhh, it's sooooo sexy. If I could just sit in one and drive it around the block, I would die a happy camper! Customized to my liking, the car is approx. $122,000!!
Three Hours Later...
So I went to Jewel Grocery Store and rented "When in Rome" and "Alice in Wonderland". I'm talking to my girl Kay, watching "When in Rome". It's such a cute movie.
After I get through with the other movie, Trooper should be almost home <3
I'm very optimistic right, now. It's very peculiar. Must be a good sign.
Night,
Hollz
Can anything else go wrong????
So Trooper just bought an XBOX 360 when we went to Walmart this morning. Greeeeaaat.... Now I get to be ignored the whole time I'm here. Damn, damn XBOX!! I mean, don't get me wrong, I love Gaming... But, all the time. Where's the sweet, sweet kissing and cuddling? What about going out to a movie or something. Nope. "I'm going to Walmart to get another controller for you to play, too. Badass!" Awesome. lol Yay, Hunny; I'd love to play XBOX for 9 strait hours!!! Why else would I have come all the way up here?! Ugh my life. :/
In other news, while he was playing XBOX (instead of sleeping before work so he won't be way exhausted and want to sleep all day tomorrow), I decided to be nice and take the dog for a walk around the neighborhood. During so, a kid asked to pet the dog, and other kids squealed behind us about the dog; so the dog got spooked and barked and bit the kid! He went inside, and had his parents wash it and then they got my number and asked about the dog, yada yada yada.. Aka- Big Mess! Luckily they were really nice about it, and aren't going to the emergency room. Can today get worse? I'm sure it could.
Now he finally went to bed, and he said I could keep playing the XBOX. Joy....
-Gamertag: Nebachnezerr <3
In other news, while he was playing XBOX (instead of sleeping before work so he won't be way exhausted and want to sleep all day tomorrow), I decided to be nice and take the dog for a walk around the neighborhood. During so, a kid asked to pet the dog, and other kids squealed behind us about the dog; so the dog got spooked and barked and bit the kid! He went inside, and had his parents wash it and then they got my number and asked about the dog, yada yada yada.. Aka- Big Mess! Luckily they were really nice about it, and aren't going to the emergency room. Can today get worse? I'm sure it could.
Now he finally went to bed, and he said I could keep playing the XBOX. Joy....
-Gamertag: Nebachnezerr <3
June 14, 2010
Update on Cody
As you may know, my brother Cody, who I've been lovingly calling "Chodey" (haha) got ran over by a car Memorial Weekend. He broke his arm, fractured his face, and got 3rd and 2nd degree burns from the exhaust sitting on him. Now into Recovery, his burns are the worst damage. We don't think he'll be able to go into the sun with his shirt off again because they had to completely remove the skin where the 3rd degree burns were, which had sweat glands in it and pigment to protect from the suns UV rays. He skin was growing back nicely until the last time we went to remove the bondages. It ripped the brand new layer he just started to grow back off. Beside the tremendous amounts of pain was experienced, it wasn't at all good for his stomach and may have set back his rate of growth.
He was finally able to leave the house and see a movie with his friends, so his spirit is up at least, and that helps. Pray for him. <3
I'll post more updates soon,
Holly
He was finally able to leave the house and see a movie with his friends, so his spirit is up at least, and that helps. Pray for him. <3
I'll post more updates soon,
Holly
Back in Illinois :)
Back up here with Trooper...
So I made it, and let me tell you, it was no easy feet. After being mailed my non-revenue tickets (free employee tickets from his mom) to my parents' house, patiently waited for a flight that would suit both me and Trooper. Little did we know, that was going to be more difficult then we originally thought. An airline decided to go on strike and my airline was filling up quick and as non-revenue, I was last priority. After 4 days of constantly looking at the flights filling up, we were getting pretty restless. Finally the flight I was planning on had a 50/50 shot that'd I'd get all the way up there and actually on the plane. I figured I'd take the chance and if I didn't get on then we'd just wait until the fourth of July and see if he could come down to Florida then. It wasn't promising; but I got to the gate over an hour early and I gt on the plan taking one of the last seats.
He picked me up and we went back to his house (about an hour drive). Mind you he works the night shift at work and hadn't slept. Of coarse Neither had I because I wanted to make sure I'd be up by 4 am, plus we planned on passing out when we got to his house. But did that plan work? Nada. His mom was in the area, and wanted to meet me. He made pasta (which hit the spot, especially considering I hadn't eating yet, and I talked to his mom just a little bit. She stayed about a half hour and we passed out. It's been eight hours, and now he's getting ready for work and I'm awake thinking about watching a movie.
It's different. I can't pinpoint it, it just is. The feeling is diluted somehow, and I'm wondering if it's a wall put up or if the new has finally subsided and this is whats left. After all the time we've spent on the phone, and the crazy things we've done- I'm a little in shock. I guess I felt it his past week, but I'm not sure what happened. Maybe I'm imaging things. But now I don't feel like he's as into this as before. I don't know.
Only time will tell.
Holly
So I made it, and let me tell you, it was no easy feet. After being mailed my non-revenue tickets (free employee tickets from his mom) to my parents' house, patiently waited for a flight that would suit both me and Trooper. Little did we know, that was going to be more difficult then we originally thought. An airline decided to go on strike and my airline was filling up quick and as non-revenue, I was last priority. After 4 days of constantly looking at the flights filling up, we were getting pretty restless. Finally the flight I was planning on had a 50/50 shot that'd I'd get all the way up there and actually on the plane. I figured I'd take the chance and if I didn't get on then we'd just wait until the fourth of July and see if he could come down to Florida then. It wasn't promising; but I got to the gate over an hour early and I gt on the plan taking one of the last seats.
He picked me up and we went back to his house (about an hour drive). Mind you he works the night shift at work and hadn't slept. Of coarse Neither had I because I wanted to make sure I'd be up by 4 am, plus we planned on passing out when we got to his house. But did that plan work? Nada. His mom was in the area, and wanted to meet me. He made pasta (which hit the spot, especially considering I hadn't eating yet, and I talked to his mom just a little bit. She stayed about a half hour and we passed out. It's been eight hours, and now he's getting ready for work and I'm awake thinking about watching a movie.
It's different. I can't pinpoint it, it just is. The feeling is diluted somehow, and I'm wondering if it's a wall put up or if the new has finally subsided and this is whats left. After all the time we've spent on the phone, and the crazy things we've done- I'm a little in shock. I guess I felt it his past week, but I'm not sure what happened. Maybe I'm imaging things. But now I don't feel like he's as into this as before. I don't know.
Only time will tell.
Holly
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